


i'll still love you

by itisjosh



Series: onlypain [10]
Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Adopted Children, Aftermath of Violence, Anger, Angst, Dialogue Heavy, Family Dynamics, Flowers, Forgiveness, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Misunderstandings, November 16th, aftermath of war, graveyards
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27605519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itisjosh/pseuds/itisjosh
Summary: "Hey, dad," Fundy laughs, feeling his throat close in on itself. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't..you never even let me say goodbye."
Relationships: Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot
Series: onlypain [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027711
Comments: 38
Kudos: 337





	i'll still love you

Fundy stares at the grave in front of him, tightening his grip on the flowers in his hand. 

_Wilbur Soot_

_President, father, son, brother, friend._

_Rest in peace._

The words are messily scrawled out, etched into the stone. They're scribbled and jagged and _angry_ , and it's very obvious who wrote what. Tommy wrote brother, Eret wrote President, Niki wrote friend, and Phil wrote son. Fundy, he..he wrote father. He knows Wilbur isn't his fucking dad, he knows that much. That stupid story that he used to tell everyone, how he fucked a salmon and got Fundy out of it, obviously that's not fucking true. The truth is a lot less happy, a lot less upbeat.

The truth is that Wilbur found Fundy when he was a kid. He found him with a bloody nose and black eyes, with burn marks on his hands and chest. Fundy doesn't remember any of it, he doesn't even know what he was running from, or _who_ he was running from, but he knows that it's true. Those burn marks are still there, seared into his body as a permanent reminder of his past. He assumes it's because he's a hybrid, and hybrids have never been welcome anywhere they go. The _truth_ is that Wilbur fell in love with a stupid little fox, and decided to bring him home. 

Fundy remembers the first time he called Wilbur dad, he remembers seeing the joy in his eyes, the way his face lighted up. How _happy_ he was. How happy _they_ were. They used to be so happy, and now they're just..

One of them isn't even fucking alive to be happy. 

Fundy falls to his knees, squeezing his eyes shut. Wilbur wanted Phil to kill him. He insisted, he _begged_ him to do it. And when Phil wouldn't..

Wilbur did it himself. 

Fundy sets the flowers on top of his dad's grave, staring at the ground below him. The war was in winter - it's spring now. So much time has passed by, and not a single thing is even close to being the same. Tubbo is the President of L'manberg, even though there's fuck all to be had in L'manberg. There isn't even a L'manberg anymore, it's just a goddamn crater. "Hey, dad," Fundy laughs, feeling his throat close in on itself. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't..you never even let me say goodbye," he chokes on his words, feeling burning tears stream down his face. "You were supposed to live forever," Fundy whispers. "That's what you always told me."

"No one wanted you dead," he shakes his head, trying so hard to fight back the tears. Once he starts to cry, he won't stop. He can't, he can't cry, not right now. "None of us did. Why couldn't you see that? Why the fuck couldn't you see that, Wilbur? Phil refused to kill you! Tommy was upset, but he wouldn't have fucking hurt you! He wanted his brother! He- he wants his brother back! He doesn't know what the fuck to do, because you- you fucking left him alone! He's got no one other than his war buddies, and that's not enough! All he has left is Tubbo, Wilbur," Fundy hears his voice crack. "That's all you left him with. You left him with his best friend. A- and Phil, but that doesn't even count. He looked up to you, Will! He was so excited to follow in your footsteps, to be your right-hand man."

"You promised so many people," he whispers. "So many of us thought you weren't gonna do it. 'Cause- 'cause you promised. You told us that you weren't. You told Niki! You always told her the truth, why did you..why'd you lie to her, Wilbur? Why'd you lie to everyone? And you- you tried to get your _dad_ to kill you? And then you did it yourself? You fucking killed yourself, Will. You _killed yourself_. I.." Fundy forces himself to breathe, tilting his head up to stare at the sky. "You told me that we were going to win back L'manberg. Y- you told me. You promised," he feels like a kid, trying to bargain with something. "Wilbur, you- you're dead. I watched you- I watched you!"

"Imagine watching Phil ju- just kill himself," Fundy is crying. He can feel it, he can hear it in his voice. He hates it. "There was nothing I could do. I just..you're my _dad_ ," he sobs, gripping at the ground. "You're my dad! I wanted to be just like you when I grew up, I wanted to..I wanted.."

"I'm so tired," he whispers, pulling his knees up to his chest. "I haven't been able to sleep. All I can see is you smiling, the- the look in your eyes. You looked so relieved. Was living hurting you that much? Wilbur, if you had just asked, we would have run," Fundy shakes his head. "We wouldn't have needed to take L'manberg back. L'manberg isn't a _place_ , it's a _family_. We would have gone with you, wherever you asked. You were our President. You're always gonna be the President," he laughs, feeling his heart start to pound. "Now, I..I'm all alone, dad. I'm so alone. I've got everyone else, but they never really counted. I talk to Eret and Niki sometimes, but they're going through their own shit. I miss you," Fundy whispers. "I miss you so much. You always knew what to do."

Fundy shakes his head, ripping his gaze away from the headstone. "You were my rock. My anchor. You..you always told me I could lean on you. I tried so hard to help, dad, I swear. I promise, I tried so hard. I never was with Schlatt, I never wanted to be. I jus- I just needed to make sure you had information. I'm so sorry," he murmurs. "I never even got to say goodbye. I never even got to tell you that I loved you. That I _love_ you. I miss you. I don't know what to do, dad. I don't know. I'm scared," Fundy leans back, staring at the sky. "Tommy and Tubbo are trying to figure things out, but they..they're just kids, dad. They're just kids." 

"They've already seen too much," he swallows, looking back down at the headstone. "I thought they could finally rest. That they could finally be okay, and that we'd..that we'd recover, you know? I shouldn't have..maybe if I had.." he trails off, an incredible sadness pouring through his words. "I'm really scared. I wasn't even allowed up there to hold you. To see you, no one- no one would let me. No one was allowed up there but Phil, and..he was just trying to bring you back. Tommy misses you, too. He won't visit because it hurts too much, and that's why I haven't been," Fundy murmurs. "I wish we had run, dad. I wish you had just told us to run. Everyone always listened to you, they always fucking did. You were so charming and captivating and you always got people to listen. If you had just told us to go, we would have followed. We would've followed you to the ends of time, Will. We wouldn't have..we wouldn't have fought if you told us not to."

"I love you," Fundy pushes himself off of the ground, wiping the tears off of his face. It doesn't help, they're replaced with more a second later. "I love you, dad."

He turns away, the wind blowing at his back as he walks. 

As he walks away from his father's grave.


End file.
